Lost...

I'm lost.... I don't know where I'm headed, I don't know who my friends are, I don't even feel like i have friends at all, I don't feel like I belong anywhere, not even when I'm sleeping. I just don't know who I am lately. I never feel "all-right", I'm always looking for something to do. I consider moving like every hour because I hate it here, the thoughts running through my mind scare me, it's almost as if they're chasing someone down with a knife and that someone is me. I wish I could rip the emotion part of me out and throw it in a blender, turn it on, put some dynamite in it, find a hole that went 500 miles into the ground, light it and drop.... BOOM, no more emotion... no more sadness, no more hurt, no more feeling empty because the girl I've liked since 4th grade doesn't like me and never will, no more wanting to move out, nothing, just a plain life, like a robot or something like that, it'd be great, you know??? to just hide from all of it, but then i'm even more worthless because i'm not contributing anything to anyone, not even myself. God i wish i could cuss in this thing but idk who's going to read it. right now i feel like the whole world is spinning and i'm getting sicker and sicker on the inside. i wish i'd puke it all up and be done with it... I wish i could do something radical, like a "total makeover" i feel like i'm being someone i'm not because thats the way i was raised, i wish i could really come out of my skin and be me, be the me that i think, no, i know i could be. like change my hair, and clothes, my classes, my friends, well some of them..... maybe moving to a new school would help, too bad i can't.... well, i'm going