D-NOW '08 (0NT1NU3D

Well... I'll continue from where I left off, as far as I remember...

This year's DNow was a good learning experience for me and most of the other boys. We did a lot of things that really encouraged me to be a better Christian and God showed me that I don't have to hear an audible voice in my head to hear and know He's talking to me, it could just be a gut feeling, He could, like this weekend, make me sick so that I concentrate on Him more, sounds funny but it's true, God made me sick with allergies so that I paid attention more... in all retrospect, God used flowers to bring me to a place I would hear Him.

We did have one huge and pleasant surprise... Cody Simmons, after the weekend was over and during invitation at the end of church, walked up and accepted Christ. I'm so proud of him for knowing and wanting to get his life right with God. I would ask everyone keep him in their prayers that God would show him and that he would be receptive to God!

We were all extremely sore and exhausted after all was said and done, after all of the wrestling and marshmallow (shot) gun shooting, (no seriously, we put like 22 marshmallows in this thing and George used the air mattress air pump to shoot these things, it got like a 10 foot spread!). In all, I can't begin to describe the passion, the excitement, the glory, the Presence of God, the fun and the pure joy of this weekend... the only way I could is to invite you to next years... so let me encourage you to open your home to some crazy youth, to see lives changed, to see friendships formed, to see God move through the hearts of young people. and if you're a youth, let me encourage you to join next year's D-Now, you won't forget nor regret it!!!!

In Christ,

Travis

D-NOW '08

Well... This weekend was Disciple Now 2008! I had a blast, just like every other D-Now I've gone to. This year I wasn't all that excited about it until I actually got to Randy and Marcia Smith's, the home I stayed in, and started to get to know the guys. We had an interesting group of college students... One has died twice, another is really just a big kid at heart, and the other one is pretty much normal, until you talk about Trogdor the Burninator...
I really didn't think that anything could top last years, but I was wrong. This years was just as good, if not better in some aspects. I did get to see some of the guys from last year (girls too) and we got to catch up on things. There were only two groups, one boys one girls. There were physical competitions (the girls cheated) and baking competitions... Which brings me to the can of Alaskan Salmon pictured above... Our group thought it would be funny to cook salmon and then mix it in with the cake batter and bake it right into the cake...mmmmmm.

We didn't get to build bikes but the groups baked cookies and gave them out to people around town asking if we could pray for them. My group baked them and gave them to the Veterans at the Veteran's Home down the road, that was a really humbling experience. I am extremely tired from being all sick-like from allergies all weekend so I'm going to continue later, but it'll be good, so stay tuned!

Disease

Well.... from the title of this blog you can probably tell it's not going to be a happy one... and it's one that really hits hard and I'm going to state this up front... I would really appreciate if nobody will comment on this or talk to me about it, even if you think you have really good advice or have been through it before, it won't help me. I just really need to get this out and it's going to be really hard for me to press the publish post button, but I'm going to because I need to put this on paper or something...

loneliness is a disease that starts in the core of your heart and eats from the inside out until you're something you don't even recognize. That's the way I see it anyhow... As a 16 year old guy, I'm starting to look more inward and see flaws and things I don't like about myself. One of the biggest things I see about myself is that I have spent a ton of my life single and secluded from the rest of the world, even when you think I'm having a good time or that I'm happy, I'm probably not. I look at my "relationships" and not one of them really "count", none last more than a week and I haven't had any in over 6 months and before that it was like a year. Now I'm not saying that there's nothing wrong with being single, that can be fun too. But I'm a really emotion driven person and when I look at other people and see happyness with a boyfriend/girlfriend or even a husband and wife, I immediately remember I don't have that and its like another grenade goes off in the pit of my already war torn shattered heart. I constantly think about who I like or who likes me and I never ever come up with a match. Idk, it seems like I'm rambling on about the same old stuff but this is really what hits me a lot.

(from here on you can comment on this content)

I think this is a reason why that 8 month or so period I got so far from God. I just let the disease inside take over and couldn't feel anything. and I know I'm supposed to give it to God and let Him fill the void but I have such a hard time feeling him, I'm a really direct kinda person and
when I pray over and over for Him to fill that void but I still don't feel it being filled it makes it hard to keep praying. and I'm pretty sure the problem there is that I say I gave it to Him but I don't think I really am.... Idk but I'm going to continue to try

ATTENTION!!!

ATTN: ALL ADULTS WHO LOVE JESUS AND ROCK N' ROLL, THERE IS A Skillet/ Thousand Foot Krutch/ Decyfer Down CONCERT IN SPRINGFIELD MO ON APRIL 8th, 2008, IT IS ON A TUESDAY. I NEED AN ADULT TO TRAVEL AND MAYBE GO TO THE CONCERT WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO (I hear parking lots are boring). IF YOU'RE INTERESTED, POST ON THIS BLOG OR EMAIL ME AT shad623@gmail.com FOR MORE DETAILS.... THANK YOU!!

Just an ^Date!

Well... I haven't blogged in a while.... so I figured I would tonight, and here I am...

It's been about a week since I last blogged and idk really what to say... Things are going pretty good in my Walk with Jesus. I would rate it a 7.5 from a scale of 1-10, 10 being the closest I've ever felt to God. I'm getting up early almost every morning (sometimes that snooze button gets the best of me and then today I accidentally hit off instead of snooze and didn't realize it, by then I only had 20 minutes to get ready for school), probably 4 to 5 mornings a week I'm up early to spend time with Him. I do like those times too, they help me prepare for the challenges ahead and let me know that God's there ready to fight with/for me whenever! I do spend quiet time with Him every night before I go to bed. Those times are the ones that I really get into the Bible, but I wish I understood more, I pray for that a lot. I can definitely see Satan tempting and harassing me in the worst personal ways possible, he really knows how to get me and I don't like it.

On a different note I'm 75% sure that I'm getting a Guitar, a Gibson SG, with a Gibson Amp, guitar case, tuner, picks, strap and cd/dvd to go along with it. Steve has agreed to teach me chords and hopefully I'll be playing in the youth Praise Band in a few months! I'm really looking forward to it and hoping God will help me to remember what the chords are and where my fingers go etc...

Come Together... Right Now... Because of Him!

So I was at youth tonight, which btw, was awesome and I thought Casey handled the "controversy"(not really controversy but like walking on eggshells) of 1 Timothy 2:8-15 very well. And afterwards I went over to the gym and David M. needed someone to ride with him to Rockwood Village so he could drop off the kids, I usually go with him anyway so I went again. (Nancy, I am responsible for the running and again, I apologize) And on the way there they started singing a song that I'd never heard before, it went "God is good, God is good, God is good... (i kinda forgot the rest but it went over what Jesus did for us)" and that amazed me that these young kids wanted to sing these songs! Usually they want to talk about the wrestling match or what new toys they got etc... but they wanted to sing songs about God! Jesus is moving in the young ones of the church.

So I got back and it was like 20 minutes till gym was over, I didn't do alot but then a youth said he was going to walk home when it was time. I told him I'd give him a ride but he said no, its not far he'd just walk, Casey and I both said that it was too cold to walk and he agreed to the ride. Well we got in my truck and I told him I had to put on my music before I left.... Little side note about my music if you haven't read my previous blog, I deleted ALL the non-Christian songs off of there and I went from over 1000 songs, to about 145.... I had it playing some TFK (a Christian Rock Band) and he turned to me and said, "Dude, you like rock?!?!" and I replied with the most honest answer I have ever given, "No doubt!". So we started talking about music and he had never heard of Decyfer Down or Skillet or Superchic[k] so I played some of each and he really liked them. We got to talking about lots of other stuff and I encouraged him to get into his Bible and pray every day, I told him that it would be hard but if I can, he can. So I would ask that you all lift him up to Jesus, he is saved but is still a "new Christian" and has already been "lost" like I had been after Romania once and I don't want that to happen to him. I told him about D-Now and I'm pretty sure he's going, I hope he's in my group (maybe Casey will make an exception). well... its Alone Time with God so I'll post later

ATF and the AFT...{AFTermath}... [Part Deux]

So it's been a couple of days since ATF and I can already start to see God work in my life. But I can also see Satan fighting with his full force. This tells me two things. God is strong and strong in me, and Satan is ScArEd! So I ask for your prayers that I will remain strong in Him and He in me. The biggest part of the old me I'm trying to get rid of is the trashy music loving old me, I love Christian Rock, I have since I started going to church three years ago, but now it's empowering... I feel bad though because the only way I have of getting it is illegally and stealing from the bands. I have the Decyfer Down, Michael Gungor and the Comatose Cd's but not many others, no job= no Cd's... :-(
I've always liked Pillar and Superchic[k] and Red and Third Day and bands like that too... grrr, who invented money?! Anyway... I've been waking up early and reading my Bible and going to bed early to read it and spend time with God. One thing I've found about my alone time is when I have the MGB Cd playing I get distracted by the songs b/c I love the worship in it... I find myself three verses in and have this "lump" in my throat, its more like tears are trying to come out along with sounds of joy and happiness and other praises all at the same time and I feel like I'm going to burst when it happens!!!!!!!!! I've never had that feeling before. well... its time for me and Jesus again so I'll continue another time!

(I've memorized this)

I Timothy 4:12
Do not let people look down on you because you are young, but be an example for the believers, in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity

God Bless

God brings people together in the weirdest ways...

At ATF last weekend we sat in front of another youth group. But God intended for this, he knew that there would be a point in the show that i would be able to make one of my smart remarks. Well, this bald guy was sitting behind us, I don't remember why but I got the opportunity to make a bald joke and I took it, he was very cool about it, laughed and said where's the love? I said "Don't get me wrong, I love bald people. I would shave my head if I didn't have this dip right in the middle of it" He felt it and sure enough its there. Well, we didn't get a chance to sit near them on Saturday because we got there late and they were moved, I saw him in the concourse and said hi, well he didn't really remember me and I'm glad he didn't. His name is Nemo. We got to talking and found out we're really alike in a lot of ways. We're fighting the same battles and think God is calling us to similar areas. We exchanged info and have been keeping each other notified and have been helping each other out, him more than me but hey, my time will come. I really just want to thank God for having us meet that weekend... I'm a better person for it, and I'm stronger in Him because of it.


P.S.
I want to thank everyone from Teen Mania who have been sending me emails and encouragements about my previous blog... They've helped a bunch and have really boosted my "God High"... or thrown wood onto the Fire burning inside of me.

ATF and the AFT...{AFTermath}

This weekend was Acquire the Fire in KC. I can't really explain why I wanted to go in the first place, I had become really numb to God and what He wants for me. I don't mean that I could feel Him there and I just didn't listen, I felt like i was TOTALLY 100% numb to Him, His presence, and anything that had to do with Him. I felt like I was just putting on a mask every time I went to church or youth group. Well the first night of ATF I prayed to God to break the numbness and the "rock" that I had formed around my heart for the past 7 or 8 months, I prayed that He would speak to me and use the vibrations of the music to crack and chip and break away that rock. I wanted to run full throttle back to God. See, during this prayer, I still didn't feel anything, all I knew was that my mind hated this feeling too so I couldn't imagine my soul on the inside of this tiny rock called my heart, so I put on the mask once more in order to "look Christian" and to try to enjoy it.But I didn't really "enjoy" the first night, I was struggling with my demons and felt like I needed to worship and listen intently to what they were saying. So on Saturday, I prayed again that God would break the rock around my heart even further than last night, and He did. During one of the earlier worship segments, He did. I got on my knees and thanked Him and told Him I was back and I intended to stay. I asked Him to be with me in every aspect of the life He had given me, to keep me with Him through all of my life, I told Him that I was His servant and anything He asked, I'm His man, I was ready to take on the world in the name of Jesus, and I am! With Him by my side, mountains will tremble!!! Satan shrudders at this thought and you know what, I say he deserves that at the very least. I continued to worship all through the weekend, the bands played and completely ROCKED! and I got to re-connect with God, I am hoping and praying that God and I never get further apart, only closer together. I felt, and still feel, that He is calling me to be a speaker at these types of events, and I'm ready to do whatever it takes to make that happen, so long as He is by my side!!! One of the bands that played, Decyfer Down, has a song that goes like this...

Burn Back the Sun...
Verse 1:
I take a walk in the bitter cold,
I try to see your face,
The way it used to be,
The sky was never grey,
There was a time when I let you in,
You turned my night to day,
But I turned you away

Chorus:
Burn back the sun,
Bring back the fire wands,
Blazing inside this heart-o-cage
Burn back the sun,
You were the only one
To love me with passion's quiet rage

I have tasted the apathy,
It's bitter on my lips,
I am not who I used to be,
Betrayal with a kiss,
Open mouth for the prodigal,
You kept the flame alive,
You keep this flame alive

Chorus

Rage, quiet rage

Chorus 2x

Burn Back The Sun...


I hope and pray every day that He keeps the Flame in me a blazing fire for Him, that it would attract people to me to share Him with them and maybe lead them to Christ. Well... it's time for quiet time with the big "J" so I'll finish later