ATF and the AFT...{AFTermath}

This weekend was Acquire the Fire in KC. I can't really explain why I wanted to go in the first place, I had become really numb to God and what He wants for me. I don't mean that I could feel Him there and I just didn't listen, I felt like i was TOTALLY 100% numb to Him, His presence, and anything that had to do with Him. I felt like I was just putting on a mask every time I went to church or youth group. Well the first night of ATF I prayed to God to break the numbness and the "rock" that I had formed around my heart for the past 7 or 8 months, I prayed that He would speak to me and use the vibrations of the music to crack and chip and break away that rock. I wanted to run full throttle back to God. See, during this prayer, I still didn't feel anything, all I knew was that my mind hated this feeling too so I couldn't imagine my soul on the inside of this tiny rock called my heart, so I put on the mask once more in order to "look Christian" and to try to enjoy it.But I didn't really "enjoy" the first night, I was struggling with my demons and felt like I needed to worship and listen intently to what they were saying. So on Saturday, I prayed again that God would break the rock around my heart even further than last night, and He did. During one of the earlier worship segments, He did. I got on my knees and thanked Him and told Him I was back and I intended to stay. I asked Him to be with me in every aspect of the life He had given me, to keep me with Him through all of my life, I told Him that I was His servant and anything He asked, I'm His man, I was ready to take on the world in the name of Jesus, and I am! With Him by my side, mountains will tremble!!! Satan shrudders at this thought and you know what, I say he deserves that at the very least. I continued to worship all through the weekend, the bands played and completely ROCKED! and I got to re-connect with God, I am hoping and praying that God and I never get further apart, only closer together. I felt, and still feel, that He is calling me to be a speaker at these types of events, and I'm ready to do whatever it takes to make that happen, so long as He is by my side!!! One of the bands that played, Decyfer Down, has a song that goes like this...

Burn Back the Sun...
Verse 1:
I take a walk in the bitter cold,
I try to see your face,
The way it used to be,
The sky was never grey,
There was a time when I let you in,
You turned my night to day,
But I turned you away

Chorus:
Burn back the sun,
Bring back the fire wands,
Blazing inside this heart-o-cage
Burn back the sun,
You were the only one
To love me with passion's quiet rage

I have tasted the apathy,
It's bitter on my lips,
I am not who I used to be,
Betrayal with a kiss,
Open mouth for the prodigal,
You kept the flame alive,
You keep this flame alive

Chorus

Rage, quiet rage

Chorus 2x

Burn Back The Sun...


I hope and pray every day that He keeps the Flame in me a blazing fire for Him, that it would attract people to me to share Him with them and maybe lead them to Christ. Well... it's time for quiet time with the big "J" so I'll finish later