Well.... from the title of this blog you can probably tell it's not going to be a happy one... and it's one that really hits hard and I'm going to state this up front... I would really appreciate if nobody will comment on this or talk to me about it, even if you think you have really good advice or have been through it before, it won't help me. I just really need to get this out and it's going to be really hard for me to press the publish post button, but I'm going to because I need to put this on paper or something...
loneliness is a disease that starts in the core of your heart and eats from the inside out until you're something you don't even recognize. That's the way I see it anyhow... As a 16 year old guy, I'm starting to look more inward and see flaws and things I don't like about myself. One of the biggest things I see about myself is that I have spent a ton of my life single and secluded from the rest of the world, even when you think I'm having a good time or that I'm happy, I'm probably not. I look at my "relationships" and not one of them really "count", none last more than a week and I haven't had any in over 6 months and before that it was like a year. Now I'm not saying that there's nothing wrong with being single, that can be fun too. But I'm a really emotion driven person and when I look at other people and see happyness with a boyfriend/girlfriend or even a husband and wife, I immediately remember I don't have that and its like another grenade goes off in the pit of my already war torn shattered heart. I constantly think about who I like or who likes me and I never ever come up with a match. Idk, it seems like I'm rambling on about the same old stuff but this is really what hits me a lot.
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I think this is a reason why that 8 month or so period I got so far from God. I just let the disease inside take over and couldn't feel anything. and I know I'm supposed to give it to God and let Him fill the void but I have such a hard time feeling him, I'm a really direct kinda person and
when I pray over and over for Him to fill that void but I still don't feel it being filled it makes it hard to keep praying. and I'm pretty sure the problem there is that I say I gave it to Him but I don't think I really am.... Idk but I'm going to continue to try
About Me
- ~"T"~
- I'm 17. I really can't describe me on here, you just have to know me to know about me, ya know?
3 comments:
You are smarter than you think...many times we pray for God to take our problems and then we don't leave them with Him. Don't give up. God has his own timing...
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Love you and praying for you!!!
Trav, can you relate this struggle to something in the Bible? Like, would you compare this time of your life like the prodigal, Abram, Jacob, Peter on the water? Just a thought
Thanks Li and Dig.... those really lifted my spirits about this... and I find myself relating to the prodigal more than I can count Dig... it's kinda scary and relieving at the same time. but I hadn't applied it to this until tonight, thanks!
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